My father asked me this question when I was seven years old. He said, “Baby, what makes you happy?” I smiled and said, “Daddy, love is the answer!” He laughed out loud, as he usually did, and said, “I’m going to tell the whole family that my baby girl needs a lot of love.” I never lost my fathers’ love and I never stopped being his baby. In fact, it took me a while to grow up and perform as an adult. Although, to tell you the truth, I never wanted to say goodbye to my playful nature, or my father’s love!
I’m truly a third decan Aries, April 17th. Astrology has three decans in each sign’s personality. Those born the first 10 days of the month are strategic, those born the second 10 days of the month are easy going, and those born the third 10 days of the month are the wildest. I guess I was born the wildest.
I’m always grateful and thank God for having had the courage, and support of my loving father, especially when it was important for him to recognize and understand my talent and ability. Each time I changed careers I always thought of daddy. My accomplishments and success in a variety of careers such as actress, producer, sports agent, fundraiser, life coach, international best selling author, astrologer, handwriting analyst, and motivational speaker, was all due to my father’s faith in his only child. WOW, that’s a lot of faith, isn’t it? Even though I lost him early, I always speak to him, and say, “Daddy, keep believing in me!”
My father was the most important person in my life. He was born in Poland and insisted that his birthday was on September 7th, (a Virgo). He came to the United States when he was thirteen, and his eyes would tear up when he would say, “When I got off the boat, I fell to my knees, and kissed the ground. I was so happy to be in America.”
Daddy barely finished the ninth grade, and astrology was a total mystery to him. He didn’t know that being born Aries the Ram, gave me the traits and characteristics that he loved about me. He would smile and say, “Baby, you have so much energy and courage, you always fight for what you want.”I would smile and respond with “Daddy, you make me so happy, because you truly know who I am.”
How many women can honestly say that their fathers knew who they were? My experience as a life coach and astrologer has shown me that women, who grow up with distant fathers, tend to choose mates, who treat them as they were raised. If they grew up with fathers, who were cold, distant, and uncommunicative, they subconsciously gravitate to mates, who continue to decrease their self-esteem and personal security.
Fathers are the first male figures in their lives. Therefore, they have a great deal of subconscious influence, as to why their daughters choose their partners. Unfortunately, my experience as a coach and teacher has shown me that so many fathers tend to personally detach from their children, particularly as they were growing up.
Little girls feel abandoned when their daddy is not there for them-physically or emotionally. If he’s not around, they miss the loving attention they want and need. As they grow up that feeling seems to stay with them, and these sad memories tend to damage their own love relationships. Their fathers tend to believe that their careers are more important than spending necessary time with their children. Once this happens, a great deal of stressful situations tend to diminish their family time. They are so tired at the end of the day, they come home, eat dinner, and fall asleep, watching TV. Therefore, the needed special time with their children gets lost, and a lot of healthy communication is missed.
Unfortunately, many parents do not realize the crucial importance of personal communication, as they raise their children. They rarely ask, “How do you feel? What do you think?” I believe that their relationships are better today, but not good enough. I also find that many of my male clients, who were raised by dominant and controlling mothers usually attract the same kind of women who raised them –a dominant and controlling mate. This mate takes care of everything, just like mommy did. In addition, they tend to be bossy. I have a short story about two good friends of mine. We sat down to dinner one evening, and I hear my girlfriend say, “Sit up in your chair, and don’t slouch.” I turn to her husband and say, “Why would you tolerate that statement? He grinned and said, “I don’t hear her!” Can you imagine that he’s 79 and she’s 77, and she’s still telling him to sit up in his chair?
When my male clients come to visit me, and begin to complain about their bossy wives, I ask them, “Why would you want to choose a mother figure over a romantic figure! They smile, shake their heads and say, “You have a point.” I continue and say, “Do you understand that overly controlling and dominant people can destroy a marriage? Control never comes before love! It can be a big issue in relationships, as most people have a difficult time letting go of their need to be in charge of everything. Controllers have a hard time realizing that this behavior will never bring them a day of truthful love and caring. An honest and loving relationship is made up of “I give, you receive” and “You give, I receive. “ No one person should continue giving without receiving what he or she needs. If he or she cannot learn to receive, frustration sets in, and that frustration tends to harbor inner anger and resentment. Once we build a lot of anger and resentment, we begin to subconsciously dislike the person we’re with! In fact, love tends to leave.
Remember, as we begin a relationship we must not see potential mates through rose-colored glasses, or put them on a pedestal, because they will eventually fall off. We must realize that no one is perfect. We don’t need to lose our romantic feelings or idealism, but making the effort to intuitively look at someone and visualize who they truly are, can prevent mistakes. It also helps us to value the truth. There are times when we honestly realize that we are with the wrong person, but continue to hold on to the difficulties and pain. What happens when we live that way? Our natural self-esteem and personal security begins to diminish. Especially, if we allow our mate to constantly disrespect or hurt us.
Finally, before we seriously connect to a mate, we need to have worked on developing the courage to love ourselves, without fear or doubt. When we have the determination to build self-love we will feel deserving and worthy of another person’s love. In fact, we will attract someone who feels the same way. Relationships only work when two people live with the most important gift of their life: self-love.